Without My Wings I Fall

I'm sure all of you remember when I said I was okay with Jon breaking up with me.  I lied.  I lied big time.  But I guess that's what acting is, lying really.  I pretended to be happy all day yesterday until Drama when a real bitch in my class started yelling at me, then I kinda broke down and I nearly broke down in front of Jon.  I'm sooo not okay with this.  God, why am I like this?  WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME!!!  I should be okay, but I'm not. 

But then again, what am I to a guy?  An ego boost.  That's all I am.  I'm not pretty, hot, adorable, cute, perfect, or anything a guy looks for in a girl.  I'm just a warm body or a rebound girl.  That's all I ever am! 

And I was Jon's rebound girl after Bre broke up with him.  Why didn't I see it?  God, I'm a friggin' idiot.  I really am.  I like a few guys, one I shouldn't, Jon (Which I really shouldn't), and Sterling (Whom I'm NEVER going to date).  Fucker. 

And I know, if a guy has enough power over me to make me cry, then he's not worth it.  But I gave Jon the power over me willingly.  And he used it, abused it and fucked me up.

So what do I do?  Huh?  There's nothing really for me to do except sit and watch him begin to swoon over some OTHER girl and I'll be throwing up while his does it because I'll know that I knew meant nothing to him except a rebound girl and an annoying clingy girlfriend.  God, what am I going to do?

Jon broke up with me, but he couldn't go it to my face, but I'm okay.  I'm friends with Reed again at least, which is good.  Travis is mad at Jon, and so is Reed, but I'm okay.  It's okay.  I'm still going to be friends with him.

Yep, he's breaking up with me.  I can tell.  According to someone who he told, he's already "sorta broken up" with me.  Okay, this is for Jon.

Jon,

Don't even bothering defending yourself.  I know you're going to break up with me.  I've known since last Friday.  You better thank my sixth sense for that, that's why I've been thinking too much. 

If you're going to break up with me, then just go ahead and do it, but do it to my face.  Look, I'll admit, I do love you, you're a great guy, but if you're not happy with being with me then just break up with me.  It's okay.  I just want you to be happy.  Alright?  As long as you're happy, it's okay. 

I guess this is where I should defend myself and beg you not to break up with me, isn't it?  I guess it is.  I'm just going to say this, please don't.  Just please.  Please don't leave me. 

-S.

Went to go see Miss Saigon last night.  It was SAD!!!!  *tear*  It was really, really, really sad.  If you see it, it's a  lot like Romeo and Juliet.  Tam was supposed to be a four year boy, Tam was played by a six year old girl.  TAM WAS EFFING ADORABLE!!!  I have The Heat is on In Saigon stuck in my head.  It was just so...sad...*tear*

I absolutely loved Kim.  She was a wonderful character.  There was a bar in Bangkok called the Moulin Rouge.  Interesting..Very interesting.  There was one character that was a comic relief.  The Engineer.  He was just so hiliarious!!  I loved his little parts especially when it was basically say it right or die part.  "I say Uncle To, but I think Uncle Sam!" And the song, "If You Want to Die in Bed" was funny.  It referred to Hinduism and Daoism.  It was just funny.  ^^ 

So bored, so very bored. 

Good thing: I get to go to the away game at Salem tomorrow!!!!!  SWEET!!!  I get to see my best guy friend again!!  YAY!!!!

Yes, I 'm hyper.  Kinda.  I swear, everyone in my AP World History class is energetic...in some form.

Oh I have candy!!  CANDY!!!

Okay, other news.

I feel like a puppy.  Will explain later in either a friends-only or private post.